The Downsizing Roadmap Podcast
Welcome to The Downsizing Roadmap Podcast, your go-to resource for navigating the emotional and practical challenges of downsizing. Whether you’re helping a senior loved one transition to a smaller space, embracing minimalism, or simply looking to simplify your life, this podcast offers expert tips, heartwarming stories, and actionable advice to guide you every step of the way.
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Meet Your Hosts:
Jodi Rosko and Heather Fisher
Realtors and Downsizing Specialists
The Rosko Group
Keller Williams Community Partners
https://downsizingroadmap.com/
The Downsizing Roadmap Podcast
84. 6 Items Everyone Argues About (and What to Do Instead) When Downsizing
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If your downsizing project keeps stalling over the same disagreement, you have probably landed on one of six items that trip up almost every family. There is usually a real reason behind it, and it goes deeper than the item itself.
This week we walk through those six categories and the specific emotions driving the disagreement in each one. You'll hear where the argument usually starts, why it is rarely about the object itself, and real scripts you can use to get unstuck without turning it into a fight.
In this episode:
- Why wedding china becomes an all-or-nothing standoff, and the four-place-setting option that solves it
- The generational reason tools and garage gear are almost never just about tools
- A script for sorting family photos together without feeling like you're erasing someone's history
- What to do when a hobby collection has outgrown the space it lives in
- Why inherited furniture creates the deepest emotional divide between two people
- The scarcity mindset behind "just in case" items, and the one rule that keeps it from creeping back
By the end, you'll have language to use next time this comes up in your own house, and a way to see the disagreement for what it actually is instead of who is right and who is wrong.
To see the heartwarming story of our past client searching for homes for her mother's portraits, go to "Norma of Centerville" on Facebook.
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Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jodi Rosko and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time.
Heather FisherHi, welcome to the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. Six items everyone argues about when downsizing. People argue. What? Yeah, we've talked couples episodes before. Sometimes it's the couples, you know, having let's say disagreements.
Jodi RoskoI mean, everybody sees everything the same, right?
Heather FisherYeah. No. Um, lots of personalities at play in a downsizing move. I'm Heather Fisher.
Jodi RoskoI'm Jodi Roscoe.
Heather FisherAnd let's talk about some of those today. Um, we see items over and over. Some of the same items just become stopping points for people. So we're gonna focus in on six of uh the top ones we see, um, a little amusement around that. Um, you know, we see these arguments in our own families, in our clients, um, just kind of um, you know, stumbling blocks that people get stuck on. But there's usually reasons, you know, behind that.
Jodi RoskoYeah, I think, I mean, obviously, most of the time people don't marry the same person that they are. But yeah, let's just start with that. Um, but we may have some scripts and some psychology around it and some kind of practical tools to help you get through it and maybe see it from the other person's perspective a little bit. Um, when we do our downsizing classes, um, we always have a you know keeper and a thrower outer that are married to each other. And, you know, the keeper thinks everything's a treasure and you know, in their mind it is. Um and the thrower outer calls it junk.
Heather FisherAnd the other person says, Don't call my things junk.
Jodi RoskoYes. So we um yeah, we see this often. We definitely see this often.
Heather FisherWe absolutely do. And in the moment, it can um look like it's focused on one item or one category of items, um, but really there's usually reasons behind where that's stemming from, different emotions. So maybe one person uh is more sentimental and they're trying harder to fully preserve a family history, and that's where their emotion is coming in. Uh one person, like we said, is a keeper and wants to fit everything into the next home, uh, not sure that they're ready to give things away. Um, maybe one person is more worried about waste and things still having life in them. Um, maybe one is more worried about um money and you know what they could get for selling something. Um maybe one is just exhausted by the process and they're ready to be done. I know that was me at the end of our storage unit process. Like I don't care anymore.
Jodi RoskoDon't care. And sometimes stuff is tied to your identity and it makes, you know, and so when people are saying, you know, it's not necessarily like it feels like it's a piece of you, right? It's feel like part of your identity is getting let go of. So it can be kind of deep, actually. Um people's uh the way that they carry things and put uh their meaning to things, right?
Heather FisherYeah, yeah. And this can go beyond uh just spouse's dynamics. Uh sometimes that uh sibling roles, if people are working on cleaning through an estate or helping mom and dad, um sometimes it's parent-child dynamics uh that these arguments come around um, you know, with that help or or wanting help. So we're gonna talk uh all about that um in the examples of these six items and uh some scripts and tools to help you through it.
Jodi RoskoYeah, sometimes there's fear around it, grief around it, fairness, control, like there's all kinds of emotional stuff that goes with it. So um item number one is wedding china and special occasion dish dishes. Yeah. Which um in most of the country isn't uh people aren't keeping them. I think the people in the South um are are actually a little bit more into the wedding china and whatnot. So it's not necessarily everywhere, but um lots in lots of the areas, um, wedding china is a struggle because um usually there's a lot of it, and it's obviously there's it's a symbol like it came from the wedding, right? Something that was uh a marriage, a legacy. Um, and there's guilt around not using it, but there's guilt around giving it away.
Heather FisherSo there's kind of, you know, yeah, there's logistical problems with keeping it and storing it, but there's tugs of emotion around those traditions and um you know, letting go of that.
Jodi RoskoYeah, and often the kids aren't wanting it. Um and so that's creating tension about like, is it being saved for them or you know, who's it being saved for, or should we use it? So um a lot of times we'll say use it, but some of it, a lot of times it had like gold or silver edges, so then it can't go in the microwave and it can't go in the dishwasher and um so something to think about. If it if it is something that you could use on a daily basis and you love it, I would say use it. That's number one before we start letting it go.
Heather FisherBut yeah, it could you repurpose um you know, uh a bowl for a display bowl um and just keep that? Could you uh keep a teacup and saucer or hang a couple plates on the wall as decor so that you're seeing the memory and and you're um having a piece of that without having the whole collection?
Jodi RoskoMy mom did that. My grandma had um it was actually very sweet, but she just didn't have very many pieces of it left because it they had used it and it had gotten broken, but it was like pink little rose flowers. It was very sweet. And she just kind of put the four plates that were left above the buffet. Yeah. Um and it was a cute little design and it was, you know, their mem their memory of their China. Um, so that was that was sweet. But um, letting go of it can feel like you're letting go of like a version of yourself, that that person that had all of the big family um meals and hosted the holidays, and um it's uh tied to some idealized memories, and it might feel like sad about, you know, like that that that time is over or that time is gone. And and um even if it didn't happen like that, you might think that that's what it what happened with it. Um, you know, people kind of idealize it, you know, put some thoughts around it. But um so I I think um breaking it up is something just don't worry about breaking it up. I think that's the that is one of the things that people get really stuck on. Um so if you have several kids and it's uh and the kids, you know, would use some of it, you know, you could make f sets of four and give it to your three, you know, three kids if you had 12 place. Or you could make it just for you and your your husband, and you know, you could have a set of four that you use for your own special occasions and you know, or let the rest of it go. Or um I I know I've talked about this before, my mom had holiday plates, but she had everything, and I just kept the the um the salad plates so that I can put them on top of my white plates and it still looks like Christmas and it's just a stack of salad plates. And I did a couple platters so that you know that's on the table, the platters are useful because you've got to serve things. Um, and so that you can just keep pieces of it and not feel so that gives you the feel of it without keeping the whole set of it.
Heather FisherYeah, if you're the one um ready to let something go and and you're trying to convince, should we use that word, the other party um to let that go, maybe some questions to ask them, um is you know being sympathetic or uh in agreement with um how beautiful it is and the memories that it holds, not dismissing that emotion, uh, but encouraging what we've just said. Could we choose our favorite four-place settings and donate the rest? Or, you know, if you're getting pushback that, you know, it's being saved for the kids or the grandkids, um, really uh volunteering to have that conversation early and making sure that it's really wanted to be saved. Um and if not, you know, what other plan could we make for it?
Jodi RoskoYeah. So I would say um you can you can break it up, you can display it. We've already talked about that. Um you know, you can offer it to your family. They may, they may want some people may want it. Um you can you know, obviously take pictures and do that kind of thing with it. But I think just keeping certain pieces of it is is in my opinion the best.
Heather FisherYeah, especially if you can um use those more frequently or display them in a way uh that you could see or um you know just have one little piece be a little you know, a teacup could be your jewelry holder on your dresser for your rings and things. So a way to use it um and see it every day.
Jodi RoskoYep. Okay, item number two, tools, hardware, and uh garage stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So um I think this stuff, if you um were the person who fixed things in the house and you were the fixer, um, and if anything broke, uh you had a tool for that and you were able to to handle it, um, that that can be hard because you fear like there's a fear of depending on other people, like you are the one who always did it, right? You you could do it yourself. Um and you know, uh as i that was uh in in generations past. I don't feel like this latest generation is quite the same um as fixers, but um my dad and my grandpa and um my husband um all fix everything. Like they fix a lot of things themselves, and that is that is just a path. And so um when it's time to let all the tools go and you feel like, oh my gosh, well, who's gonna fix it? Right. So that's a an identity situation.
Heather FisherYeah, I think a lot of the items we'll talk about today are wrapped up in that identity and um being that fixer and being the one everyone comes to. It's hard to shift that dynamic. Um, you know, one thing you can do is to, you know, teach and show that younger generation in your own family how to use them and how to, you know, shift into that doing it together so that they do become the fixers of the next generation and and learn how to do that.
Jodi RoskoBut yeah, I think the dynamic is that um that it feels like the fixer, it feels like um that they're capable and that they're independent and that they're self-reliant and all of those things are what is feeling like is going away. Um where if maybe if the kids don't fix things, they just like, well, that's just we don't need that. That's yeah, why would you need that? Why do you care about that? Like it they don't see it as the self-sufficiency that the fixer sees it as, right? And so they're gonna like just hire that done. Like, what's the big deal? Um, but to them, it is a big deal. It's it's it's they're one they're providing for the family, they're helping, you know, like they're they're self-sufficient in that. So that's a generational gap, I think, that we are that we see.
Heather FisherYeah, absolutely. I think sometimes the whole um category is hard for people to break down into smaller pieces too, and they think, I don't want to get rid of all my tools. Yeah. And maybe taking some time, that you don't have to get rid of all of your tools.
Jodi RoskoYou might not need the table saw anymore, but you still need a screwdriver. Yeah. Because everybody needs that, you know.
Heather FisherSo what what is it that removing that all or nothing mentality uh can help that transition? Um, you know, what are the things in here that even, you know, in younger years I didn't use, you know, it just builds up like anything else. You bring in more, you use something once for one project. Yeah, and then it's not touched again. So um being able to distinguish the whole category versus um making some, you know, curating it down a little bit first, it will feel easier when you've already removed those pieces that didn't make sense anyway to keep.
Jodi RoskoYeah, like so a question would be like what if we built a retirement toolkit? What would that look like? Yeah. You know, it's gonna have a hammer and it's gonna have a screwdriver and it's gonna have picture hanger things maybe, or you know, some things you that are, you know, you might need to generally fix, but bigger things you're not gonna be building or fixing necessarily.
Heather FisherYeah, absolutely. Um the yeah, another question, let's make a top 10 list of the tools we are actually using, and that would be the start of that toolkit.
Jodi RoskoWe see so many tool benches when we go into people's houses, right? Like the big tool benches which have all kinds of stuff. And if it's really the older generation, they have the baby uh jars with the screw, you know, they've screwed them up and then you screw those and all the little screws are in in those. That's my favorite. And it and maybe a pencil sharpener.
Heather FisherLots of really cool workshops that I wish I knew how to be handier in. Yes, yeah. Yeah.
Jodi RoskoUm so um tools actually though, people want tools. So um e if your kids don't want them, um tools are something that you know you that can be sold and and find a good buyer for. Or even um Habitat Hum for Humanity or something along those lines, either way. Um, there's some great places that can donate, but people do do want them and will use them. So um, you know, offer your duplicates to your kids who are homeowners, they might need their own uh toolkit of things. Um you can just you could you can also display them. Like if you have really old ones. We were just um at someone's house and his her dad had a bunch of old um, I don't know if you you remember they're they're um drills, but they that you had the it was like a handle that you held and the top was round and you kind of screwed the thing around. I I don't know. I I remember them because I had my grandpa had a witch shop and I remember, but they were really cool. Like they're old tools, so they they are cool. So you could put those on the wall, uh, you know, a couple of them on the wall because they're really interesting if it was something that you're you know you used a lot when you were younger, or um or you could make a little shadow box of it or something. So um our house, our ca our cabin that we have in New Hampshire that my family has has a whole wall of old tools. Like, and it's just that's what the decor is. It was all my great-grandpa's tools, and it's kind of it's kind of cool.
Heather FisherYeah, very cool. Preserving that legacy.
Jodi RoskoYeah, for sure.
Heather FisherUm, next item family photos and memorabilia. We have episodes and episodes on this stuff. Um, it gets hard because you know, part of downsizing is reducing the volume of things. Um, but this is a category where everything feels so heavily loaded with emotion uh that it's hard to just reduce on practical reasons. There's not really any practical reason for any of it except the memories, the stories, and the emotions around it.
Jodi RoskoYeah, and I think uh photos are so emotional when you look at them. So then it like just automatically brings up that, you know, oh my gosh, do you remember this? Or do you remember, you know, like whatever. Um, and one person's gonna want to save it all, and one person doesn't want to save it. They're, you know, a thrower outer, so it's not important to them. And the one that wants to save it feels guilty and it's like I'm throwing away their life, you know, and you know, all of that. And so, um, so and I think there's, you know, physic physical pictures and there's digital pictures, and there's a lot of you know, going back and forth about what that that looks like. But um there are people who end up being the keeper of the legacy, right? They're the keepers of the history. Um, and those are the ones that really I think struggle the most letting go of photos. But um, and we have a whole nother one on a whole nother podcast on photos, so go listen to that one if you have trouble sorting or whatever. But when you really, really, really look at them, um, there aren't that many fantastic ones, ones that are big at, you know, good enough that you would want to frame or put in a a coffee table kind of like book. Um, and so you can let go of a lot of them without destroying anybody's legacy or throwing away their life or any of those things.
Heather FisherYeah, we I was just at my mom's house yesterday and she had told me she has been sorting photos and you know, she's more the thrower-outer, uh same as I am. So it's not a huge problem. She's downsized photos before, and so I was curious as to what she was downsizing. And I I've had a realization, I think it's easier for me to be a thrower-outer if I feel like someone else in my family is holding all of that. Right. And so I, you know, I may be the guilty party. And uh my brother and I gave her uh, you know, some teasing of, you know, all of those things, and we were not serious. I was glad she did it, but we're like, you threw us in the trash bag. And you know, she had a trash bag of the photos she was gonna get rid of, and we promptly dumped it on the the floor and and you know, just went through it quickly, and uh most of it went right back in the trash bag. But we we gave her some some good teasing every time we found a picture of ourselves.
Jodi RoskoLike well, and I think that's that's you know, some people resent being the one that has to be the keeper of the things or feels like they have to be because no, why doesn't anybody else care about this? Why am I the only one? And then they feel like guilty because they're the ones that feel like they have to keep it, even if they might not want to keep it all. Um, you know, and this and siblings can be like, you're you know, you're a hoarder, you're you know, you're cold and selfless, like you know, like selfish, you know, like whatever it is. Like, and so, you know, that all can bring up like, you know, emotional hidden obstacles of like they they feel like they should keep it, but they don't want to have to be the one who keeps it. You know, there's all kinds of stuff around that. So um some scripts around that could be like could you know, could we spend an afternoon together choosing the most meaningful ones? Like you do it together, tell the stories, throw the way the ones that you're are blurry and don't look good and all of that stuff.
Heather FisherAnd I think that's what happened. We, you know, just spent a little bit of time and flipped through them, and then my mom felt better, like, okay, I'm glad you guys looked before, you know, I took maybe five or ten photos that I did want to keep, and you know, I'll get rid of them myself someday, but um, grabbed those and and then she was comfortable like that.
Jodi RoskoWell, and she might have thrown away because she had a similar one where you didn't have that one, you know. Yeah. And so um that's that's the thing. So, you know, you can create, you know, a shared album for um the family, shared if you're digitizing them, you can create one album for everybody. You could take physical photos and put them in different albums for everybody and you know, give those as as a gift or whatever. Um, but just remember when you're doing photos, um just keep the good ones and there aren't gonna be that many, and that will just alleviate. I mean, probably like 80% or more of them aren't gonna be great photos because back in the day we didn't know if we now we take a picture till we like it.
Heather FisherBack then we couldn't do that. So yeah, and always keep in mind when there's less, you can enjoy them more if you which what whatever way you're deciding to store them in a digital frame or uh, you know, a coffee table album or a photo box, when it's been organized and reduced, that's easy to get out and and look through and enjoy the memories where boxes of chaos, um, you know, random photos all shoved together doesn't get revisited.
Jodi RoskoYeah. And um set a rule that you get one bin per person, which doesn't seem like that much. But honestly, if you start sorting photos and you're doing, you know, a person and their life, you know, there's some toddler photos, there's some baby photos, there's some, you know, mid-range age photos, and and you know, if you kind of do it by decade, if you only have a couple photos of each of those decades, that really will show their whole life if you have some really great ones. And, you know, you might end up with, I don't know, 50 or 60 photos, you know, just and that can be an amazing collection. But if you're looking through hundreds of photos, it's hard to visualize their life like that, right? Versus not that many, but just really the good ones. Yeah. Yep. So um, yeah, host a memory night, have have the family over, um, make some food and read, you know, do read stories, record stories of what's happening. You know, you can make videos of that, you can record voice of that, um, you could put the pictures with it, like that would be super cool.
Heather FisherYeah, absolutely.
Jodi RoskoAnd everybody has different stories, right? So not just yours. If you do that in a memory night, um, then you could share everyone else's stories too.
Heather FisherYou can get perspective on who's in the photos and who they might need to go to uh when you have more people there as well.
Jodi RoskoYep. Um so yeah, family photos can be problematic, but they can also be really fun. Yeah. So number four, um, books, magazines, and hobby collections.
Heather FisherHow many houses have we gone into with uh the big National Geographic magazine collection? So many. So many. Yeah. I know at uh uh my grandparents' house when I was little, it was the reader's digest. Yeah, lots of readers' digest.
Jodi RoskoOr the Encyclopedia Britannica. We had a bunch of like the all the books of the encyclopedia. There was all of those. But um, yeah, so um hobbies. There's a you know, reader, a knitter, a traveler, a storian, you know, whatever. And I do think it's important to think about that for yourself when you're sorting through things. What is your legacy and what will what do uh what do people remember you for? Were you great at cooking? Were you great at, you know, uh some kind of hobby that you did that people would want, some of that quilting or whatever that is. Um so it it whatever that is. Uh keep some of that, right? Because that is your legacy, doesn't necessarily mean mean you have to keep all of it. And that's tough because um Mark's dad painted and it feels uh wrong to let go of some of those paintings, you know, like the but he was doing it uh because he loved the process of it, right? And so the process of creating and all of that made him feel good. Um and so if you keep one or two of the ones that you love so much, um I know that's hard to let let some of that go, but that that it wasn't about the the end result. I think it it was for him about the process of doing.
Heather FisherYeah, and you guys have some pieces of his art. I know you've talked about the hand painted cards he made and things like that. So that's the connection someone else has to your talent is what you've already gifted them. Yeah. Um, that's what they're gonna treasure. So at some point it does just become a volume issue of the end result and finding a place where someone's going to love it and enjoy it, but um, it can't necessarily be you or your family with just that volume.
Jodi RoskoYeah. Yeah. So so when you have hobbies and the hobbies create lots of volume, um, figure out where that is that you can also share that, right? Your mom was, what is she knitting? She does crochet. Yeah, crochet. And so we were she had a bin of scarves and hats or whatever.
Heather FisherYeah, so we found a great place to donate them to kids uh that need that winter warmth. And uh, you know, that's a great way. She just enjoys crocheting. Yeah.
Jodi RoskoShe does it for the process and needs to keep her hands busy and all those things.
Heather FisherYeah, she's made beautiful pieces intentionally for us and we love those. But then I think the scarves uh that that I shared with you to donate that that was like her leftover yoga. Young, yeah. She's gonna make a quick scarf out of this. She's going to just make these scarves, and and so that's more of a useful thing. Um, we've got uh our past client that is um, you know, looking for places for her mom's painting. I love that so much. That story just warms my heart so much. She's looking for um her mom painted portraits, and she's trying to connect those portraits uh that she's come across in her mom's things with with the names in the corner um, you know, in our town on who might know them. And it it just I'm it's I can't wait to see.
Jodi RoskoI know I'm telling you that so she's made a Facebook page and she's posting these um pictures and they're beautiful. Her mom was a beautiful artist, but she doesn't know who the people are. Um, and so she's posting them and might have a name, a first name. You know, some of them didn't have names. Maybe one or two had the first and last name.
Heather FisherShe was so excited when she found, you know, that but um Yeah, we'll link that Facebook page in show notes if you're you know from our area and help her find because it's a volume issue for her. She has the pieces, the portraits of family members and and all of that. And now she's trying to find that spot where someone else can love it.
Jodi RoskoYeah, and I mean, how cool would that be to just get a picture of your you know loved one from a long time ago? And yeah, it w it's it's super cool. I hope she finds everybody. Um yeah, we'll link it for you guys um just so you can kind of see what that is. But what a wonderful thing to do with it with them. Um, because she can't keep them all. And and and they don't mean that much as much to her as they would mean to the family members, you know, who might get that. So very, very cool. Right. Um be creative about what you're what you can possibly do with things.
Heather FisherBut um yeah, so books, um magazines, hobbies you could um donate to local schools or libraries, assisted living communities, you know, who else, if you have a back to that, everything in, nothing out, if your craft just has too many supplies that you'll ever get through, too much fabric, too much yarn, too much painting supplies, can you either organize a class where you're sharing that? Can you donate it so someone else could enjoy it? Um, it doesn't mean fully giving up the hobby, but how can you balance how it's taking over your space versus what you're using?
Jodi RoskoYep, yep. And books for me, if I'm gonna read them again, then I'll keep them. If I'm not going to read them again and I enjoyed them, but I'm not gonna read them again, it's time to let somebody else read them because that's the joy of reading, right?
Heather FisherYeah, yeah.
Jodi RoskoPassing that, sharing, having a shared experience. So um, okay, number five, uh, inherited furniture like from your parents or your grandparents. This one's hard.
Heather FisherFurniture is just hard in general. It's big, it's bulky, it's heavy, and there's not a ton of resale value if you wanted to, if you were ready to get rid of it and you wanted um to sell it. It doesn't have you know, very little categories of furniture right now have um a good resale value. So it feels like the options are just keeping it or donating it.
Jodi RoskoAnd it's such a big thing to keep, like you said. It's big. And so um, you know, somebody sees it as junk in somebody sees it as mom and dad's memories, you know, somebody um feels like they're gonna be stuck with it um because they feel the guilt, but then they you know, so they feel guilty about letting it go, um, but it doesn't fit in their house. And that's when we get into those houses where I was saying, I think maybe on the last podcast where it's just lined with furniture, you know, because they didn't get rid of anything else, they haven't really designed it, it just keeps coming in because they feel guilty for keeping it. And if you love it, find a place for it, use it as in your house, like as a actual design like thing that it is. Don't just stick it in the corner and you know, whatever. Use it. If you don't love it, uh give yourself permission to not keep it.
Heather FisherYeah, and I think in this episode we're talking about, you know, where those conflicts come up and why. And I was thinking about this, and um sometimes the problem is furniture is so big and bulky, like we said, that it's taking up space in your in your home, but visual space too. And oftentimes there's only one person that has the emotional, you know, if it's inherited from your parents, your grandparents, and maybe you're taking it out of that guilt or that childhood memory, but it's not what you would choose today, you've got this massive item, and the other person's like, hmm, I don't know about that big, you know, dining hutch. And you're thinking I had every Thanksgiving, you know, in my grandma's dining room with that. And there's uh there can be that conflict of differing emotional connection to an item that's so large.
Jodi RoskoYeah, yeah. Yes, I mean, it's possible to repurpose it, you know, uh paint it, reupholster it, refinish it, put, you know, made it into a more modern use. That's possible. Um, you could take pictures of it before you let it go, just if you felt like you really needed to, you know, s see it. Um you can write a story tag and when you donate it, you can write a little story that you tape in there so that the next people know it was loved and you know it where what its life was before it came to them. Um but I think donation is also a great way to handle it because there are so many people who are in need and need things. And if you find a good donation place where people are are actually in need of the things, that I think feels so good.
Heather FisherAbsolutely. Helping someone set up their household uh for themselves or themselves and children is such a good feeling. And you know, those items are hard to go get enough to start a house if you're you know um going through a difficult situation.
Jodi RoskoSo I mean I would much I mean I would a million times rather have somebody have it and use it who needs it than have it sit in my house for just in the corner, right?
Heather FisherYeah, absolutely.
Jodi RoskoOkay. Um number six, the just in case items.
Heather FisherWe might need it someday, Jody.
Jodi RoskoWe might. We haven't used it in seven years, but we might need it. Day is coming. It'll be the day after you get rid of it. Usually so. Point proven, many times over. But honestly, if you do let things go, uh the the amount that you uh wish you didn't or you you know suddenly need after you haven't used it for eight or ten years, um, the cost of just replacing just those few things versus the hundreds of things that you would get rid of is is minimal.
Heather FisherYeah, absolutely. We're we're teasing on that, but definitely we get rid of plenty of items and then that one that we needed to rebuy is the one we you know proofs our point. See, we shouldn't get rid of anything.
Jodi RoskoNo, no, no, no. You forgot all of the things that you've already forgotten you got rid of because you don't even remember them, right? Yeah. Um but it's n it's rooted in a scarcity mindset. Um it's rooted in a mindset of, you know, uh depression area era or f frugality, or you know, you were raised in a way that um, you know, you don't you might not be able to get that, or you you might either not have enough money to get it or might not be available or whatever that is. Um and my grandpa was a million times this person. He was raised um, you know, right after the depression or in the depression, and and um he cat when he always had canned food because he was always afraid that there might not be enough food. I mean, it it was very, very deep seated uh fear about um scarcity. And so when other people are just like, what you know, what is that like it is actually like an an emotional um thing. But um we are also in a place where we we probably don't need I mean rationally, we probably don't need that. I mean, not you know, not everybody, but for the most part, we're gonna we're in a place where you don't need um all to keep all might I mean like he kept the cords off of lamps and stuff because he was afraid that he might not have like he if a lamp broke, he would cut off the cord. So if you went out to the garage to look for an extension cord and you pulled a cord, it would be one with nothing on the other end because he'd cut it off a lamp or something. So I'm t I'm talking very deep uh you know, need to uh keep everything. So uh I think wastefulness, I think, is also a thought process that people have and and worry about. And I think for that one, if you are giving it to somebody who needs it, then it's not wasteful.
Heather FisherYeah, it's all it's almost wasteful to have it be in your house, be in your house not being used for years and years until it's no longer usable because of time and um you know it degrading over time. So uh that's a different way to to change your mindset around that. Um, and I think you know, there's a level of preparedness and um, you know, just in case items where you can have a balance of that within a parameter. Yeah. You know, here's how much canned goods I need to feel comfortable, here's how many packs of toilet paper I need to feel comfortable. And you cannot run low on toilet paper. I know. You know, all of the things, um, but having you know, just shifting your mindset to the space that you have that manages that to your comfort level um and the comfort level of your house for storing it, you can find that balance.
Jodi RoskoAnd I think this is maybe where the maybe box comes in, um, where you can, if you're thinking, oh, I might need it, you can put it in that box and mark a date on it six months from now or whatnot. And if you haven't gone to go get it because you needed it, then you can go ahead and donate it because you aren't using it. But don't open that box again. You've already made those decisions, and if you open the box, you'll have to remake all the decisions again. So you are like 90% to making that decision when it goes in the maybe box. You're you are thinking, I don't really think I'm gonna need this. But just in case, right? Just in case put it in that maybe box, give it six months, and if you don't go and get it, um, then you can let that go.
Heather FisherYeah. And once you've gotten down to um that level of comfort of, you know, having what you need and not having too much, make sure you maintain that with that one in, one out rule. Don't start stockpiling again. Um, you know, because we will always have things coming in. Make sure that that counterbalance is going out as appropriate.
Jodi RoskoYep. Okay. Um, so key takeaways from this is um replace like you always or you never with, you know, I'm feeling this way. Like you always say that, you know, I hoard things or you never throw anything away. Like those are not useful um ways to communicate with people. And I think it puts people on edge, and we we do if we're talking about the arguments, that's where people get, you know, a little bit whatever. So, hey, I'm feeling like I really want this because, or I'm feeling like this really reminds me of whatever, or I'm feeling guilty of letting this go. Because then sometimes when you say that out loud, you're like, I don't need to feel guilty about that. I'm you know, okay, like you know, if you actually are communicating what the real true problem is about it.
Heather FisherYeah, then the uh the other person can have that understanding and help you process it and help you through it uh instead of feeling like you're just being forced.
Jodi RoskoBecause it's really not about the item. It's almost never about the actual item. It's about the item that the feelings that are bringing. Yeah, that that's bringing. Yeah. Um and so ask what stories attach to an item. If somebody's really struggling, letting go of something, tell ask them to tell you the story. And um, we find that sometimes when you tell the story, then it makes the item super important. And you're like, yeah, that's I that's an amazing story. And I never knew this. Yeah, like we need to keep it. And sometimes when you tell the story, you're like, okay, I told that story and that's not that important. And so I don't need to keep that anymore.
Heather FisherYeah. Either way, it moves both people towards middle ground. Yeah, yeah. By hearing that. Um, you could decide that each person gets a non-negotiable bin. Um, you know, I don't need to agree with every reason why you want to keep everything. This is your shelf, your cabinet, your bin, your spot. Put whatever you want in it. I'll be over here with my extra rolls of toilet. In my bin.
Jodi RoskoYeah. Yeah. So sometimes it's not worth tr trying to come to an agreement, right? But you have to give that an am a parameter. Yeah, a parameter. So it has to, it can't just be like, and I'm just gonna keep whatever I want over here in this entire side of the basement. Yeah. Right. It ha it there has to be some parameter around it for yourself too, because you your goal is to only keep the things that you really need and care about. And sometimes if you don't have a parameter, it's really hard to make those decisions.
Heather FisherYeah.
Jodi RoskoYeah. Okay. Well, um, if you need us, uh, reach out to us at downsizingroadmap.com. Um, our Facebook page is on there. You can click on there and get our Facebook page. Um, you can click on there and get our free guide if you're ready to kind of get started. It talks about our uh five steps and how you can work your way through it a little bit. So um the guide is in there. Um, the podcast is on there. There's all kinds of great stuff on there. So um check us out at downsizingroadmap.com and we will talk to you next time.
Heather FisherAwesome. Thanks. Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. If you found this episode helpful, be sure to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes? Reach out to us on our website, www.downsizingroadmap.com. Until next time, let's keep simplifying and moving forward.
