4. Declutter Without Regret: Lessons from "Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff"

In this episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast, we dive into Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton, one of the nation’s top downsizing and decluttering experts. Drawing from his years of experience on Hoarders and Legacy List, Paxton shares practical strategies and heartfelt stories about helping people let go of excess while preserving what truly matters.

We’ll break down the book’s key takeaways, from shifting your mindset about possessions to creating a downsizing plan that feels empowering rather than overwhelming. Plus, we’ll connect Paxton’s insights to the same relationship-based approach we teach—helping seniors, families, and individuals navigate the emotional side of decluttering with confidence and support.

If you or a loved one are facing a downsizing journey, this episode is packed with actionable advice to make the process smoother. Tune in for expert wisdom, real-life stories, and strategies to simplify your space without losing the memories that matter most!

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Let’s simplify, declutter, and create space for your next chapter—together!

Transcript

Jodi Rosko 0:01

Welcome back to another episode of the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast with your hosts Jody Roscoe and Heather Fisher. We're talking about all things downsizing, from our own experiences with clients to guest experts. Let's make downsizing easier, one conversation at a time. Hey, thank you for coming back to our fourth episode already. Oh my gosh, exciting. Yeah, of Downsizing Roadmap. I'm Jodie Roscoe. I'm Heather Fisher. And today we're gonna talk, um we're gonna do a book review, and we're gonna talk about um a book called Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff. And Matt Paxton wrote this book. And gosh, as I was reading this book, I was like, oh, this is all the stuff we say. And then he has some really great stories that go along with it.

Heather Fisher 0:46

But yeah, it is interesting. I think it's a good representation that uh downsizing, while it's very hard, it's also very simple. Yeah. You know, that mix of actually g working yourself through the path is hard because there's so many emotions and physical labor around it, but the steps themselves, that path is simple.

Jodi Rosko 1:15

Yep. So get yourself on the path. And that's what we're trying to make everybody do, just kind of realize that you know it's not that hard. We'll get on the path and do the things and yeah.

Heather Fisher 1:26

I loved the book. I think I'm excited to go through it. I think it's a great resource um for anyone that's joining us here because they're seeking information. This book we're gonna talk about is a great layer and goes into detail on on those steps with some really great advice.

Jodi Rosko 1:44

I agree, I agree. If you haven't read this book, or I and I think you need to get actually get the paper copy of this book. I uh I have all kinds of tabs in it. Um, but there are tons of resources um in the back about specific things and what to do with them. And um it's just I think the paper copy is worth worth the buy.

Heather Fisher 2:02

Absolutely. So much to circle and underline and go back to later.

Jodi Rosko 2:07

Yeah. So uh Matt Paxton wrote this book and he tells a little bit about his story in the beginning. Um, and I think s similar to us, um it's something that happens in your life that brings you to it. Um and and and so that's what happened with him. He was, I think he was 24 years old. He went to college, he got a job, he got fired from his job, and then uh he went home to be with his dad. Um, and then right after that, his dad was diagnosed with cancer. And um passed sadly very quickly.

Heather Fisher 2:42

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 2:43

So yeah, and so some of the lessons that he learned while his dad was still alive um was that um his dad's friends came over and just told stories um with him and shared some time with him, and he said his dad's favorite thing was to give parties, and so that's what he did. He didn't want to get rid of his stuff. He wanted to, you know, give parties and be with the people that he cared about, which is really what you should be doing. Exactly.

Heather Fisher 3:05

I was gonna say I'm fully on board with that philosophy to do all the preparing way before you're in a crisis situation. So you can just enjoy.

Jodi Rosko 3:15

Well, I don't think he did the preparing before he got to the crisis situation, but when he got to the crisis situation, I do think he handled it correctly. And he just, you know, kind of did, you know, spent the time with the people. Right. Um and so he realized that stories were what was gonna keep his dad alive after he was gone. And so um then he ended up with a 4,400 square foot house or whatever it was full of stuff that all reminded him of his dad. And one of the things he says in the book is I didn't actually want to keep everything, I just couldn't stand the thought of getting rid of my father's stuff. And I think that is so true. We don't actually want the things, but we think we're getting rid of the memories.

Heather Fisher 3:58

Yeah, or getting rid of the per shifting the person out of our life. Yeah. If they can't be there.

Jodi Rosko 4:05

Yeah, which isn't the case at all. Um, the memories are really what and the stories around the memories. We're gonna come back to stories over and over and over, you guys. So that is really gonna be something that we talk about a lot, and how are you gonna get your stories out? But that's um that was kind of his aha that he found that he got from doing that and going through his um dad's house, and he talks about in the book about how that all happens. But um, he ends up with a nine-step process. So I'm gonna say the steps real quick and then we'll kind of dig into them.

Heather Fisher 4:36

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 4:37

Okay, so step one is uncover the stories behind behind the clutter. Step two is define your finish line, um, which means well, we'll talk about what it means in a second. Step three is take the first baby steps. Uh step four is sort through your pictures and your documents. The hard stuff. The hard stuff. Um step five is decide what to keep and to build your legacy list. And we'll talk about what a legacy list is, and I love this idea. Uh step six is deciding what to give away. So keep, give away. Step seven is um, did I miss a step? Cleaning up. Oh, deciding what to sell. It's not on this page. Step seven is deciding what to sell. So keep, uh, give away, and then sell, and then cleaning up and then moving forward. Because I think that's really the other part of what it's really about is what that's gonna look like. Um so your stories and your future, that's what it's about. Yeah. So step one, we're gonna go into that. So uncover the stories behind the stuff. And um, after he did his dad's house, he thought, oh my gosh, this is interesting. And um somebody told him that uh Edda, Edda's her name, that she needed help and he could get paid for it. So he was like, Oh, that sounds good since he lost his job and he was living with his dad. And so um he ended up going to help her, and he really thought he was just gonna be moving around boxes and doing things that, you know, getting rid of things, and what he ended up doing was listening to the story of her life through her stuff. And uh once he did that, he realized this is what I do want to do for my life because it's really interesting. But um what I love about his philosophy is that he celebrates those stories and he listens to those stories and he um he they have fun, they have fun with it.

Heather Fisher 6:29

I uh was thinking as I was reading this the this first part of the book that um you know if you're listening to this and you're that adult child that is helping someone that needs to. I think um, you know, we can tend to be like, okay, we just have to get this done, we have to get this done. And you think um that taking the time and going slowly slowly through items and listening to the stories will slow you down. But I really was feeling like doing that will speed up the process because the person who's telling the stories can then move forward with getting rid of it and not putting up roadblocks because they're feeling heard and enjoying sharing those stories and and feeling all of that. So I really that resonated with me that really when we may be helping someone, he talked a lot, I'm not sure which page it's on. He talked about um like tips for being a good listener.

Jodi Rosko 7:35

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 7:36

And that is maybe the skill you need more than sorting skills or don't, you know, knowing the resources. I mean, all of that will help it, but if you can give someone that good listening ear, you can help them through the process. So if you're helping someone else and that's why you're listening, that really stuck with me.

Jodi Rosko 7:56

Yeah, I underlined it too. It said if we don't know the stories behind the stuff, we'll never be able to freely let go of it. And if they can freely let go of it, it will speed up that process. But also, I feel like that's a part I missed with my mom, and I can't get that back, to be honest with you. I wish I had, you know, read this book before before that all happened because she I'm sure she wanted to tell me her stories, but she didn't know how to articulate that's what she needed to let it go, and I didn't know to ask her to do that. So it's you know, we were just a little off on that. But I wish we I wish we had been able to do more of that.

Heather Fisher 8:34

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 8:36

Um so yeah, an interested audience, and so um, and it that can be your family, that can be a friend, um, that can be a professional, that's what he does. He's a professional and he is you know professional listener. Yeah, he's a professional listener, and then he carries some boxes. Yes. Um, so it it just find somebody that will, you know, listen to that and enjoy hearing about your life. I think that's really cool. And a huge, huge part of it really probably it's step one, but I think it's one of the bigger parts of it. Yeah. Um step two is define your finish line. Um so he's talking about deciding where to move and what that can look like. Um and so we talk about this in our downsizing class about um you know getting getting a little bit dreamy about what your future can look like. Um and we know that it can be kind of paralyzing. Uh he says the same thing. Um and I'm just gonna read a little section about that because this is really about your mindset about moving. And it says, he writes, based on my personal and professional experiences, I found that what keeps us from looking ahead is memories. Isn't that funny? The back keeps us from the forward. Surprisingly, it's often not the fear of losing old memories that keeps us in place. Rather, it's we're afraid to let go and move on because we fear we're not gonna make new memories in a different environment. And we know the past and we know the present, but we know that memories will be made here and the people that we know in our current location. We know the memories we've already made here, but we don't know what memories we're gonna make and who we're gonna meet and what that's gonna look like for the future. And that's scary. And I thought I thought, wow, that is really true.

Heather Fisher 10:17

Yeah, his personal story in the book of almost, you know, passing up on, you know, his next um I think they were engaged at the time and moving to be with his future wife and and you know, going and and so many good things happening, and he was almost paralyzed and you know, almost walked away from that because of that fear of losing what was comfortable. He'd lived there his whole life, right?

Jodi Rosko 10:45

And he Yeah. I mean, moving to a new town and not knowing anyone is scary, but he knew his future wife and had his kids. And um, I think we reframing everything into something that is a positive instead of a negative is really where you have to be. Really in life in general. I was gonna say a good life. Not just downsizing. But really, yeah. Um and so um he just kind of in this chapter goes through the options of where you can go.

Heather Fisher 11:15

So um staying put, smaller place, independent living communities, assisted living, skilled care, you know, there's a whole list um that are different choices for different reasons.

Jodi Rosko 11:31

Yeah. And one thing he says in this chapter too that I highlighted is that um because we're fear we fear losing control, we're actually losing control because we're not taking action. Yeah. And so taking action is an action. Yeah. We all learned that, right? Yeah. And so um it's a good reminder. It's a good reminder that just because you know, doing it, you that seems scary, but not doing it is also a decision. Yeah. You know, an action. So um, so yeah, so we he talks about all the different places um you can go. And um and then he talks about potentially hiring a uh placement uh agency. And we literally just did a downsizing class today um with somebody who that is their job, and they help they can navigate all of the different um assisted living or skilled nursing or you know, any kind of home care, independent, yeah. Staying at home, what that looks like, they can navigate all of that um for you. It's usually a free service, something I didn't even know existed. And um and it's amazing because there's so much to it financially, uh, socially, there's so many pieces to figuring out where you want to go next. And and it may be a two-step process. Maybe it's you know you're in a big house and you want to go to a condo for a while, and then you might want to go to, you know, an independent living place. So it might be that two-step process, in which case you're gonna need a realtor to help you um well either way, you need a realtor to help you sell your house, but you know, help you find either a ranch home, something smaller, or a condo or something like that. Um, but I would definitely, if you're thinking about um some kind of an independent living situation, I would definitely or or you know, place like that, I would definitely hire somebody or talk to somebody.

Heather Fisher 13:20

Yes. Um they were saying today, I mean, uh if you're only choosing a place once you're s you're starting with a a Google search or you know any kind of a list, it's overwhelming. And even information about those places changes so frequently if they change ownership or regulations change. I mean, the picture of what each place has to offer, uh someone that is just doing it for themselves or a family member can't possibly know all of the information that people who are in these communities day after day can just just give you that guidance and suggestion.

Jodi Rosko 14:02

Yeah, so they know um the places that have great care, they know financially what to look for, and there's so many benefits you might qualify for, exactly. So many pieces to it. So um yeah, so he has also in here his top ten tips for uh choosing a new home. Uh right up our alley. Yeah, right up our alley. So number one is d deciding on the life you want to live there. So we talk about that. That's back to the getting dreamy. Choose it by what that looks like. Um you know, decide if you want to transition once or twice, those kind of things. Um so I think uh that that's an interesting list that he has going on. Drive around the neighborhoods and towns um you're considering. So if you're thinking of somewhere that you haven't lived before, go visit it. Go see what that looks like. That's actually the same if you're gonna go to an an independent living place. Yeah. Um go look at those. And I think I think some of this stuff is hard stuff to talk about, and we'll talk about other things that are hard to talk about, like what you want your funeral to look like, not today, but things like that. But those are all things that just need to be planned. It's not happening right now necessarily, but you need to plan it. And then you know, you feel more comfortable because you have a plan.

Heather Fisher 15:16

When you future plan that, those things and factor in what is likely to happen to all of us down the road, when you know what the plan is going to be at those stages, you can live comfortably in the stage that you're at because you're done. So I think location-wise too, thinking about, you know, I'm fine, I'm out driving everywhere now, but is there a point where you know, driving longer distances to be close to my doctors or my family or the areas I love, my church, things like that, all of that on this list are great things to get that full package.

Jodi Rosko 15:55

Yeah, it's a good list. So um just kind of consider again, kind of make a little visual, you know, dream board of what you want that feature to look like. Are you traveling? Are you closer to your family? What does that look like? And then, you know, be able to find that in a house.

Heather Fisher 16:12

I loved the part in this section where he was talking about creating new versus trying to recreate the old in um the new space. Yes. And I think we have seen this with many clients. And you know, when you are getting dreamy and looking at what amenities or what your life looks like in that new space, when you have a vision, you can create that new vision. If you haven't taken the time to make that vision, then you are just trying to recreate the old. Yes, and it won't work, and you won't be quite as happy because it won't be the same, but it won't be new what you dreamed about.

Jodi Rosko 16:58

Right. And so he does say, right, that's I I underline this. If you can afford to use splurge for some new stuff, I find that even a few new pillows, throw pillows, makes um anybody appreciate the surroundings more. It more extravagant, spring for a new bedspread and a mattress, but you know, take some things that make you feel comfortable, but don't don't necessarily try to recreate something exactly in a little bit.

Heather Fisher 17:21

Even he was saying, like, don't put your bed on the same facing wall and the same table beside it, you know, just rearrange it. I know as a kid I loved like rearranging my bedroom and it was like brand new. I have a new room because I rearranged everything, you know, every couple months because, you know, that was my hobby. But but I think that you know, that mindset of like it can be the things that make me comfortable, the things I love. You don't have to go spend a fortune, but some of those small changes to use something in a different way or to um you know just create that new environment, even if it's not all new stuff, yeah. Again, a positive. Yeah, back to a positive.

Jodi Rosko 18:12

Creating a new new and better. So uh the quote he wrote on that is but really what matters is the new life that you want, not the stuff that you take with you.

Heather Fisher 18:22

Yeah. Yeah, I love that. So it starts with planning and thinking at the beginning. Yeah, yeah.

Jodi Rosko 18:28

And probably getting rid of more stuff than you think. Yeah. But that's okay. Yeah. Um, so taking step three is take the first baby steps. Um and so uh he has a 10-minute sweep is what he calls what he calls it. And he says just clean every day for ten minutes. And uh even if you don't feel like it five nights a week, five days a week, he says. You can take the weekends off. Um but every day for ten minutes, and it's really more about getting in the habit of cleaning or decluttering than it is of you know exactly what you got rid of that day. And often what'll happen is you will get into it and take more than 10 minutes and get yourself rolling, and the getting the rolling is the hardest part, but also the habit creating is what's super important about it is creating that habit of just doing the 10 minutes. And what was yours when you were when you had the kids, you you had something really specifically.

Heather Fisher 19:31

The quick 100, yeah. And we would just go and grab a hundred things that could be moved out of the house, and that feels like a big number when you first say it, but it can just be quick and and be all the stuff that you just walk past and you know, junk mail or school papers at the the time of my life when that was what piled up, and so you can do that.

Jodi Rosko 19:55

She told me about this and I did it um for two days, three days in a row, I think I did. And and it really was. I mean, uh it sounds like a hundred things, but I cleaned a hundred things out of my pantry, you know, kitchen, like because there's stuff that's expired. I mean, you just don't realize, like, and you think I can't possibly have that much stuff. But the statistic is three hundred thousand items in the average American house. So a hundred things is hardly a drop in the bucket of what that looks like.

Heather Fisher 20:25

And so we talk about it, and then he was saying it, and um in the book, and and we've heard it from other sources, but never start. I mean, I think the 10 minutes a day or doing a quick 100, or we say in our classes, start with the easy stuff. Yeah, it's all about gaining the habit and some momentum. Yep. Get some quick wins like wow, I cleaned every day this week, decluttered, you know, 10 minutes every day. It does it's not really about what you accomplished. Eventually it'll be about what you accomplished, but you've accomplished, you haven't procrastinated. Um and that once the ball starts rolling, it's so much easier.

Jodi Rosko 21:06

Yes.

Heather Fisher 21:06

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 21:07

And once it's just in your daily routine as a habit, um, you know, like if you did the dishes every day, you know, you get that habit done and then that's done, and then it feels weird if you aren't doing it, right? Yeah. And so it'll just turn into something that you do because after you move, you want to keep that habit. You just want to keep that habit. If something comes in, something goes out. You don't want to it's like, you know, when I was little and I just didn't clean my room like my mom told me to. And so it was just, you know, piled up and piled up and piled up until one day I had to clean it and it took me like 10 hours. And it's the worst day ever. Your friends are out playing and you just want to do it. And so you don't want to turn that, you know, you don't want to turn around to turn to the next place and do the same thing to it, right? So you just want to get that habit going. Yeah. So um set a deadline. Um, you need to commit to your deadlines of, you know, make yourself hold yourself accountable. To what that is, but set yourself a deadline. Understand your why. We already kind of talked about that. The reasons that you want to get the clutter out of your life, back to that dreamy future, and what's that going to look like? What does your vision board look like? What does less stress, you know, look like in your life?

Heather Fisher 22:16

I think he said, no, you don't need more stuff. Talking about bins and labels. Oh, yeah. And a labeler and all of the things. And I I think that, you know, at some point there might be some room for a few things that keep organization better, but those come at the end. Yeah. I think the worst thing you can do is by all of the organization looking at what you have, thinking, I need to organize all of this. I think it's no more beans. He said it, we know it's true, declutter first. Yeah. And then when you have a picture of the smaller amount of things, you know, there's helpful, you know, drawer organizers or things, but don't start with it will be better if I just have all of this stuff in matching bins. Right.

Jodi Rosko 23:12

I mean, we can end up like that, but but if you buy 57 bins, you'll keep 57 bins worth of stuff. And so I think that's and he said that's a way of procrastination too. Like, oh gosh, I have to organize it, and it's like actually not going through it, right? You're procrastinating, doing it.

Heather Fisher 23:29

You just brought in more stuff. Right, right.

Jodi Rosko 23:32

Okay, choose a space that sets you up for success, so don't feel like you need to tackle the hardest parts. Um, start with your junk door. We literally say this like practically verbatim. I had not read this book. We have had this class for years, and I'm like, oh, we say exactly that. Start with your junk door, you know, areas that um you tend to put things um once you are kind of done using them, like the garage or the attic or the basement, are probably gonna be a little bit easier. And you know, start now. That's that's get it done.

Heather Fisher 24:02

I really liked the um permission for the maybe pile.

Jodi Rosko 24:06

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 24:07

And I I feel like, you know, I've moved from, you know, a house I was in a long time into a transition house and you know, plans for the next house. And so uh some of the stuff I packed away in storage. I uh I mean, I feel like that's my maybe pile because at the time I moved from the house I'd been in for a long time, it was decision fatigue and feeling like I'm giving away so much in, you know, donating or going other places. And so I I did get to that point where we see many of our clients like I can't just give away one more thing. And so I loved that permission for the maybe pile, where the you know, the as you're getting started, you don't have to make you know finality decisions on everything. It's okay to let something sit for a minute, a a day, a week, a month, you know, however long, and then revisit. And once you've gotten rid of other things and realized that it's okay, those maybes become easier to let go of. Easier to let go of. And I think I don't know if he had a stat on it, but he said most of the maybe pile ends up moving out of the space because it just had to sit marinate for a minute.

Jodi Rosko 25:28

Well, and I think if you're working in a specific day and things start ending up almost everything starts ending up in the maybe pile, it's just time to be done because your decision fatigue has taken over and you just can't decide one more thing. And so you're just keeping everything because you can't decide anymore. And so watch yourself as you're doing it. If that maybe pile just says, Oh, maybe, maybe, I don't know, then then it's time to you know take a break. Yep. Go go celebrate the thing you already the things you already did today and come back another day. But yeah, I love the maybe pile. Um he also talks about freeing yourself from guilt. Um it's you know, building the life that you want, not the white life that you think you should have, or someone else thinks that you should have. Um we talk about guilt a lot. Um and also um loving who you actually are. You know, if you have a bunch of gym equipment, you're really not sporty, or you used to be sporty, it's okay. Who are you today? Who are you gonna be? Who that's because that's really what we're going with. Who are you gonna be and what does that look like? And do they are they gonna use, you know, the equipment that has dust all over it? Probably not. Maybe you'll find, you know, a yoga class with friends that you go to. It's not like you have to give up fitness, but maybe that just wasn't the path.

Heather Fisher 26:43

Yeah. I think it it's finding who you are and what you truly want to use.

Jodi Rosko 26:49

And embracing it, not just back to not somebody that you think you should be.

Heather Fisher 26:54

Yeah.

Jodi Rosko 26:55

Or if you think you should really be that person, go be that person. Yeah. Right, right. Um so yeah. So and then take that time to celebrate and and give yourself that pat on the back of what you've done today and what you did, you know, in the past, the past week, day, week, month, whatever. Celebrate. Take take that time, give yourself give yourself that credence because you know we we that's another book, another day. But um The Gap in the Gate is an amazing book about that. But just that you, you know, don't we just are always what have you done today? What you know what what's next, what's next, and not giving ourselves that credence for what we've done because it's hard.

Heather Fisher 27:34

Well, and I think back to that ten minutes a day gives you those those check marks and those wins versus the weight of, oh, I didn't do that yet. Yeah. Just small gains.

Jodi Rosko 27:48

Yep. Step four, sort through pictures and documents.

Heather Fisher 27:51

So hard stuff.

Jodi Rosko 27:53

Yeah. Um, I actually am not gonna go super deep on this one because I honestly think we need uh we need podcasts on both pictures and documents. And so um, because it's that deep, um, pictures are really powerful, and that's because um they're the clearest depiction, he writes, they're the clearest depiction of our past, um, visibly ref reflecting our triumphs and our tragedies, and and that's what makes makes letting them go so hard. But um, there is definitely a path to dealing with your pictures. Um and uh we'll talk about it, I think, uh in another in another one. Just some quick little things about it. You're you want to lose that bulk, you're gonna have a bunch of pictures that you don't need as you go through them. Um so uh the triples, because that's how you always have the triples, the giraffes, the beach, the landscape. You know, there's all of those, the blurry ones, the ones where your face doesn't look good. Because now we have thousands of digital pictures, we take one until we get it right. Um, and still we need to get rid of those. That's another whole thing.

Heather Fisher 28:57

I think we have boxes of um photos of places we visited from times when we didn't have the internet, you know, in our hands. Yeah. And so maybe there was more of a place for that, but I know that the the um professional photographers are much better better at photographing the beach or the landmarks that I've been to. So I think that's is definitely an easy place to start. Is if there's no people that mean anything to you in the photos, start with that. Right.

Jodi Rosko 29:30

Or you don't know them anymore. Like, I mean that's sad, but that can be a thing where you know that those stories again they get lost. Um so yeah, so um that's the gist of it. And then there's just different ways that you can save them. In the end, he's saying, no more than two shoe boxes. You should be able to pick them up and and walk away with the amount of photos that you have, and maybe even none if you're gonna digitize them and you know use them in that way. So we can talk about photos on another day. Picture or paperwork also, same thing. It needs its old own episode. Um, but he has a great list in here of the papers that you actually need to keep, and they're way less than you actually think you do not need your taxes from 1972. Or I found those at my mom's house and many other years.

Heather Fisher 30:21

Manuals for items that you don't own anymore.

Jodi Rosko 30:24

Right, or even manuals for items that you do because that stuff is still online, you know, and magazines and all of that. There's so much paper. Um, and so he suggests that you kind of make a put all the paperwork that's important together and make a little book, which we actually um have a little book uh that for that. So um we'll talk about all of that later. Um, but he has some great information and it is probably the one of the bigger things to have to deal with is all the paper in your house. Yeah and um and then what to do with it afterwards, shredding mostly is what he's talking about, but and then how to create a system later um so you don't get all that paper again. That's another one. Yeah. So um step five is decide what you want to keep and build your legacy list. So this the legacy list is kind of his his plan. He actually has a uh a show now. He used to be um on hoarders, he was one of the people that was on hoarders, but now he has his own show and it's called Legacy List. So that's what I think he feels is like his biggest piece of what to, you know, of his what uh what he brings to the table of how of helping people figure out what their legacy list is. And he says um he says uh it's basically uh passing on a legacy of memory-packed items is a way to keep our keeping ourselves and loved ones alive when we're apart. So what you'll need to do here is change your mindset from g getting rid of stuff to selecting a few legacy items that will, and I love this, enhance your life today and best relay who you are to your next generation. So it's gonna take some thought about what those things are and who you are, and but I but also it's enhance your life today, so it can't be things that just sit in a box in the basement because they're you. Like they have to be part of you.

Heather Fisher 32:19

Yeah. Well, I mean, it's you know, we talk about honoring things that honor our loved ones when we're going through their stuff or have stuff given, but it's like honoring yourself. Like don't don't sum up your own life in a dusty box in the basement. Yeah. Just be that person. Yes. And that's how you know that legacy lives on. Yeah. Use those things and be that.

Jodi Rosko 32:44

Yeah. So uh one of the things that I have from my grandma that I feel like is one of her legacy things is um I had given her a book a long time ago and asked her to write her m her um recipes out in a book in her own handwriting. Um, and so we copied that book and gave it to everybody in the family. Um, but she l food was love to her, and so that was her legacy, and so that's very special to me. So things like that, what did what does that person evoke um to you or what do you think you evoke to people? And he has a great list of questions to get you started um in here about you know what how you grew up and what was your first car and your first love, and he has some questions to kind of get you thinking about who you are and what that might be.

Heather Fisher 33:28

I loved the example he gave uh in the book about I think it was his aunt, I'm not sure, a family member that had the trolley tokens. And he ended up not only keeping them because um, you know, her she had always told him, even though the city she lived in didn't even have the trolley anymore, she was convinced the trolley will be back someday and I'll be sitting pretty because I have all these tokens ready to go. And, you know, so that's what he kept because you know it was such a quirky story that reminded him. But then he not only kept them, he ended up using those tokens, turned them into cufflinks at his wedding. Yeah. And then was able to share that story with all of his groomsmen about where they came from and and what they were, and that was his gift. So any way that you can not only keep that legacy for yourself, but then continue passing that on so other people get to know someone that they may not have even met because of generations or stories and sharing the stories as they go down the line and using it at the same time.

Jodi Rosko 34:39

That's like the perfect story about it. Yeah. So um, so the other thing is um your kids are gonna want stuff to be everybody's like, people are like my kids don't want any of this stuff. And that's not true. They just are gonna want things that um maybe you didn't pick out for them. So their rememories of you, let them have the things that really evoke their memories of you. Um so step number seven is or what are we on? Step number six, decide what to give away. So I think all of it then is um all of it is uh based on what you've decided what your legacy is, and then you know, I think it's easier to give things away once you've done that. And he talks like about upcycling and he talks about um places where you can let things uh you know donate. And and I love that he says decide what to give away first and then decide what to sell, because a lot of our things aren't gonna have a lot of value, um, but they might have a lot of value to somebody that you give it to, and so that's really important.

Heather Fisher 35:44

Yeah, he said something, uh I'm not sure this is a direct quote, but it was um along the lines of doing that first. Sometimes it feels better to get it to the right place. Yeah. Get something to the right place rather than to get a few bucks for it. Right. And that's so true.

Jodi Rosko 36:01

So true. Yeah. Whether that's people that you know, and if it's not people that you know, um he goes down. So the next ones are give away, sell, uh, donate, you know, those kind of chapters are in that. And he has some really great tips in those chapters around it. But um it might be don't uh ki charities that you're giving it to that are specific, and he has some of those in here as well, specific places that need those things, and that also feels better than just kind of a generic giveaway, I think.

Heather Fisher 36:32

I think uh we've run across lots of unique collections of things, you know, people with train sets and and things like that. And there's oftentimes, you know, then there's a train club that might love to have that, or you know, art supplies. We had a client that had um was a painter and had so many art supplies, and she was able to um donate that to an art school that served our community um, you know, underprivileged after school classes for that. And that it does just feel different than just boxing everything to a general place.

Jodi Rosko 37:08

No, it feels so much better. And we literally just talked to somebody um the other day and she said, I have this Fiesta wear, and I have somebody special in my life I'd like to give it to. Do you think I should do that or do you think I should sell it? And we're like, give it to that person, you know that it's I think the value she'll feel good about it, the person will feel good about it, and the value, you know, isn't as much as giving it to the right people.

Heather Fisher 37:32

Absolutely.

Jodi Rosko 37:33

Um so there's a lot in there about giving it away, donating it, selling it. Um we will have other ch other uh chapters or episodes. Episodes, thanks. Other episodes on all of that specifically, because those are big things as well. Um, you know, estate sales and auctions and all those kind of different ways that you can get rid of your things. So he talks a lot about um what that looks like, set low expectations for how much your stuff is worth. Um so again, that's why giving it to somebody important is better because most of our stuff, I mean there might be some things here and there, but most of it isn't worth a ton of money. Um he I loved he how he said to make a spreadsheet. And um so you can go and look if you think you're gonna sell something, you know, go and look where you know eBay, you know, any of those places, Facebook Marketplace, whatever, um, and kind of try to figure out what that pricing looks like. And he his his thing was if you if all the used grandfather clocks are $500, then selling yours for a thousand is probably not good math, right? Yeah. And so sometimes that'll take the emotion out of it if you kind of go and look and make a spreadsheet and say, these are the five that I found, and this is how much they were, um, because you might in your head because you have so much emotion around it and it's so sentimental to you, you're like, oh my gosh, that's probably worth five thousand dollars. Yeah. And so I liked that kind of way to be able to bring you down out of it. Back to reality. Back to reality, which is you know, a lot of the stuff has to go and and a lot of it is not gonna be worth a lot of money because the stuff is only stuff and it's only valuable when you talk about your stories around it. We're back to that. So step eight is clean up. Um, and so cleaning up uh is just that, and he has a bunch of cleaning tips in there, including don't fall through the basement or through the attic. Don't step through the attic floor when you're up there. Right. Um be careful, you know, wear safety glasses. If you find a gun, what to do with that. Um so he has some really great or dangerous things. There's you know, sometimes people are storing things that um fireworks or dangerous things that might need to be put somewhere safe. Um so I thought I think the cleaning up is not just cleaning, but there is a lot, literal cleaning. You do have to do that before you get your house ready to sell. And it's different cleaning than than you would do for a regular house. So you're cleaning the baseboards and you're cleaning the grates and you're cleaning the fans and inside the cabinets and all those things. Oh, this page, uh these these were great. These were the top ten secret hiding places for money. Yeah. So it was so interesting. It was really interesting. So that's a good page.

Heather Fisher 40:21

So when you get this book, you can read it, shake out every book before you donate.

Jodi Rosko 40:25

And toilet tanks, freezers, pantries, bookshelves, under-the-floorboards, old trunks, closets, drawers, and um in the backyard. Oh my gosh, how are you gonna dig up stuff in the backyard? Oh, and birthday cards. They forget, they you know, put the card and then they forget. I've even had that with um my kids when I was, you know, going through their stuff, like that they didn't they just put the card away and didn't realize that they'd missed a gift card or a birthday or whatever.

Heather Fisher 40:53

So Yeah, happens to all of us.

Jodi Rosko 40:55

So um cleaning up is it, then you know, the house will be ready to sell at that point. Um, but then step nine, and I love that he puts this as that n that last step is move forward, right? Moving forward, actually physically moving, saying goodbye to the house, taking pictures of it, taking that time to, you know, walk through the rooms and I like what he said too in the taking pictures.

Heather Fisher 41:19

Um remember to take pictures before you pack everything up. So you have pictures of each room as you lived in it.

Jodi Rosko 41:28

Yeah.

Heather Fisher 41:29

And then take a second set of pictures. Yeah. So you just see the house. But um, you'll treasure just those pictures of the rooms as you lived in them before you do all of this. So maybe that needs to be way back like step step step zero. Step zero.

Jodi Rosko 41:45

Take pictures of the house before you start. But I think people can treasure that. And feel the feelings. He's like, just feel them. It's it might be sad. Um, because even when things are, you know, forward moving or great, it's still sad to leave some things behind sometimes. And that's okay. Um, so feel those feelings. Um, I love that. Um, and he, you know, he says in there, honestly, people he did he made the move, and he, you know, it was really hard for him and he made the move. And then after he'd been there a a little while, he said, I I don't even remember the things I gave away. I don't remember a single thing. And I've had that personally experience that I don't I've cleaned out things and I couldn't tell you six months later what was in the box that I donated. So um it'll all be okay.

Heather Fisher 42:31

Yeah. I think we see that over and over with ourselves and our clients.

Jodi Rosko 42:35

Yep. So this is an awesome book, um, Matt Paxton, uh, keep your mem Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff. Um, I would get it. It has great tips in it, it has some great resources in it, and um I learned a couple things out of it, and I also learned we're right on track on all the other things that we're doing, but I definitely really enjoyed that book.

Heather Fisher 42:55

Yeah, I think it will be a great resource for anyone that dives into it. So awesome. So we will be back for our next episode. What will we be talking about next, Jody?

Jodi Rosko 43:05

Next time we're gonna be talking about the mindset of downsizing. So that first step that's kind of that dreamy step that we talk about a lot. We're gonna delve into the mindset of downsizing.

Heather Fisher 43:15

Awesome. Well, we can't wait to see you, and uh, here's the next step.

Jodi Rosko 43:19

Yeah, if you have any questions, um, get in touch with us. We're happy to answer them and um any any comments, we'd love to hear them.

Heather Fisher 43:26

So awesome.

Jodi Rosko 43:27

Talk to you next time.

Heather Fisher 43:28

Bye. Thanks for joining us on the Downsizing Roadmap Podcast. If you found this episode helpful, be sure to subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with someone who might need a little downsizing inspiration. Have questions or ideas for future episodes, reach out to us on our website, www.downsizingroadmap.com. Until next time, let's keep simplifying and moving forward.